Madeline Update

 The Good News for Madeline!

We have been home for a few weeks, and I have considered writing an update several times. The observed reality is that Madeline is doing exceptionally well. She wears "Billy" everyday (Billy is the name she gave to her neck brace). They have become connected (I am not sure they have reached the level of friends, but she is not fighting against it, so we count this as pure blessing). 

She restarted school last week (from home) and is investing time each day in her learning. She seems focused and diligent. She seems to have more energy on a daily basis than before. Her symptoms seem significantly less than they were before the surgery. She is doing well, and we are counting this as blessing. 

In some ways the lack of detail is a good sign. She is experiencing healing and moving full steam with adolescent sass.... Our current focus is moving to the summer when she can send Billy elsewhere, enjoy the summer at Bethany Beach, and enter the fall ready for high school. 

A Reflection on Parenting and a Suffering Child

Certainty is rarely a friend of middle-age living. 

I've used the term "secondary sufferer" before, and when we were pastors, the secondary sufferers among us were a focus of our pastoral attention. We know medical professionals focus solely (and rightly) on patients. Yet the loved ones around the patient carry their own emotional and physical toll. 

Lindsay and I are attempting to come down the mountain of two years of wondering and anxiously awaiting Madeline to experience healing. We can still feel the clutching of our fists as we are unsure if this is the end or not. I've witnessed other secondary sufferers, who have held the illness and recovery of a loved one for years, even after the procedures were completed and the healing fulfilled. These days we can feel the tension washing away, but it might take a few more minutes to find our center. I didn't plan for this in my monthly/quarterly planner..... The reverberation of watching a child suffer and heal will take a bit of time to release from our bodies. 

Note: Our friend, Karen Mulder, has an excellent website and resource for secondary suffers and those who walk alongside loved ones. If you want to learn more about how to care for yourself and for others, check out: https://wisdomofthewounded.com