Slowness and Solitude: The Painful Reality for Enneagram 7 on the Camino

Last night ended so joyfully. Six of us took a rest day and ended the evening lounging in the hammocks with the other peregrinos. The social nature of The Camino is so joy-filled; there are so little expectations, few if any judgments, and ongoing openness to one another. Everyone is a pilgrim so everyone is looking for connection. Maybe not everyone, but when this happens, we sense it and let the pilgrim go alone. 

This morning the alarm went off at 5am, and the six of us rose in unison to begin the day. I have been walking for 20 days and occasionally pilgrims will wake together and leave within minutes of one another. The staggering gives the feeling of being Alone Together. Today, however, we woke up as a group, dressed as a group, and left as a group. Everyone stood outside and waited for the last pilgrim to exit the albergue before taking our first step. It didn’t seem needy but collective and joy-filled and loving.It was a true Camino Family moment.

I walked 21km today and began in the dark again. I didn’t initially wear my torch, which was a mistake. I stopped to attach my torch a few km in. (headlamp). I was now 1-2km behind the group in one of the darkest mornings of the Camino. The moon had escaped the sky for a day of rest. The stars were abundant but not luminous. 

Somehow I got off the path and into a field. I thought I would find a Camino arrow soon, but to no avail. I was getting worried and began to pray out loud that one of the other pilgrims would shine a light towards me and invite me back to the path. Within minutes a light appeared in the distance. The others knew I was lost and invited me back. Indeed, The Camino calls us when it is time, and being lost is not a problem but a moment of spiritual practice. The irony of light shining in the darkness isn’t lost….

We ended up walking as a group the entire day. We took group photos and talked in pairs as well as alllowed silence side-by-side. I long to have this in the US and at work; working alongside without anxiety makes silence possible. I was also able to lag back and pray the rosary. I finished my mysteries and intercessions and then joined Laura (from Memphis) to discuss professional life in light of the Camino. I was impressed how the intentions made for others came alive also in me while I spoke with Laura. 

The path today was along the road, and so cars wizzed by constantly. It was so incredibly noisy. I was growing in irritation as the morning went on. The speed of the cars unsettled the inner peace that emerged during the previous days on the meseta. At one point, Laura yelled, “I hate things on wheels.” I could relate. The noise and the speed upset what we had cultivated. I can only imagine how shocking this will be when I return home. David Whyte’s words come to mind:

“I was under stress vocationally. I began to see velocity as an answer to complexity. The problem with this is that you cannot see anyone who is not traveling at the same speed as you... Those who go slower become your enemies."

The cars irritated me because they are the me I keep trying to let go of. The fast me that doesn’t see so many I pass by. Speed is not a friend, and it surely doesn’t help me befriend others. I wonder how many people I miss or ignore or dismiss because they are going so slow, or rather I am going too fast. This takes me back to the enneagram nine day when i recognized how many incredible people I don’t know because they are going a tolerable speed while I zoom ahead. 

Indeed, to become human is to be made visible. I desire to be visible; even more I want to make others visible. It is time to slow down - even more than I am right now. I think this is central to understanding others.

This is a bit ironic as today i tried on the enneagram 7. I am an enneagram 8 with a seven wing, so I have some familiarity with the unresourceful aspects of seven energy. 

Here is what Richard Rohr says of enneagram 7:

SEVENs are people who radiate joy and optimism. They are alive to the precious ingredients in every moment; they can feel childlike astonishment and experience life as a gift. They are full of idealism and plans for the future, and they can pass on their enthusiasm to others. They don’t seem “cerebral” at first glance. They are relaxed, full of good humor, imaginative, sunny, and playful—until one day they notice that all this also serves to protect them from anxiety and pain.

In the course of their development, SEVENs may have had traumatic experiences which they were not equipped to process. Their response was twofold: First they repressed or whitewashed their negative or painful experiences. Second, they went into their heads and began to plan their lives so that every day will promise as much fun and as little pain as possible. 

They distract themselves by trying not to miss out on any possibilities, and disconnected from God’s guidance, they have a hard time landing anywhere. [2]

Here is Russ Hudson’s take on a SEVEN’s journey:

All these ego patterns are very addictive. A SEVEN is addicted to thinking about everything I’m going to do. The more I do that, the more I fall into the passion of the SEVEN, which is gluttony. The further away from Presence I am, the further away from the grace of God, the more I start to feel no abundance, no freedom, no fulfillment, no satisfaction. So my ego is desperately trying to find it, trying to get the experiences that I think will fill me up and make me happy again. But no matter how much I try, it doesn’t work—because it’s not in the content of experience that I’ll find happiness, but in the quality of my attention and presence in any experience I have.

A SEVEN needs to recognize, as we all do, that everything we are looking for is right here, right now, if we are just still and open. Usually we’re going to feel anxious and scared. . . . In fact, any time I’m breaking out of my old ego identity, I’m going to be scared.”

I avoid pain like the plague. I knew that I needed to write today. Even more, I know that I need to take time to track my expenses. Money for me is pain because it is both gift and burden. I avoid money questions constantly and would prefer to buy nothing than to manage it. As I ended my walk today and felt the persistent call to write and manage, I instead went for an additional escapade trying to find the most perfect place in this little town to begin my tasks. I went into six bars, cafes, and restaurants looking for the best place to write. I couldn’t sit in one fearing that there might be a better place elsewhere. I wandered for more than an hour.

Then i walked by a grocery store and decided i could spend less money by buying a piece of fruit for a snack and then return to my albergue where I have power, wifi, and a free place to sit. When I entered the store, I also considered buying a bottle of wine. Decent wine costs between 4 and 5 dollars, but i spent 20 minutes trying to figure out which bottle to buy. What if it is not good? Which one should I buy? The local one or the one I tried before? I want them all! I want the perfect one! I want everything!!!

The gluttony of these moments are simply distraction from what is more important - in this case reflecting on the camino and managing my money. My frantic spontaneity is a strategy for ignoring important questions.

Let me go back to the morning walk when I was pursuing my inner 7 space.

I spent the lonely parts of my morning walk pondering what i choose to ignore. I came to the Camino

with questions and wonderings. I am surprised at how many of these questions I am choosing to ignore. There are relationships that come to mind while walking, and I can barely keep them close to mind before trying to pay a new mind games or finding something else to listen to. The pain of unattended and unreconciled relationships, judgments, and moments are difficult to consider, especially today. I decided after flipping from podcast to Mumford and sons, to Taize that I would shut down my headphones and simply sit in the clean air and silent space between my ears.

A pilgrim friend and I were discussing those hard moments to hold. I raised the question, “What is it about me that makes me so frustrated about that person, that moment, or that environment?”

I would rather not ponder this for long, so I was happy when someone else asked about my favorite song. That conversation derailed the shared yet introspective conversation and allowed for playfulness. The cross-cultural nature of pilgrims allowed for a great discussion about music. Ultimately, an Italian said, “the world keeps looking to the US for our favorite music."

I have to admit that chatter is my solution and strategy for avoiding the deep and often painful engagements that comes through times of solitude. I am coming to realize that connecting with others is one way I avoid deeper questions. This doesn’t mean that all relationships and conversations are distractions, but I do not allow solitude and community to cohabitant in such a way to enliven both. I am reminded of Bonhoeffer in this regard:

‘Many persons seek community because they are afraid of loneliness [der Einsamkeit]. Because they can no longer endure being alone, such people are driven to seek the company of others. Christians, too, who cannot cope on their own, and who in their own lives have had some bad experiences, hope to experience help with this in the company of other people. More often than not, they are disappointed. They then blame the community for what is really their own fault. The Christian community is not a spiritual sanatorium. Those who take refuge in community while fleeing from themselves are misusing it to indulge in empty talk and distraction, no matter how spiritual this idle talk and distraction may appear. In reality they are not seeking community at all, but only a thrill that will allow them to forget their isolation [Vereinsamung] for a short time. It is precisely such misuse of community that creates the deadly isolation of human beings. Such attempts to find healing result in the undermining of speech and all genuine experience and, finally, resignation and spiritual death.’

The playfulness of 7 was experienced yesterday in the hammocks, with the snacks and wine. But at some point the party needs to end, for it cannot be embraced forever without being codependency. The party did end, and I was left alone, even lost. Today, I am recognizing my dependency on people as distraction for the beauty of solitude. To embrace solitude will only deepen relationship.

a joy in me through an experience between
the fullness of solitude to the joy of community

Solitude and slowness; this invites the world to be all the more beautiful and engaging. Then the party begins with full abandon. The fear of going slow and being alone is solved simply by leaning into it. It is here that I will find everything I need sits right before me. The Camino provides; will I be able to trust this when I return home?