Peter and Conversion on the Pilgrimage

I began writing this one year ago during my time in Taize, France. The days in Taize will formative, and I found myself connecting to a story and Scripture given to me during my days in seminary. Much of what follows was written one year ago but is finding a new home in me as I prepare for the Camino.

The story of Peter in Luke was shared on my second day in Taize in May, 2017. At the end of the daily reading, the teacher remarked that Peter is more emotional than mental, more heart than mind. The typical narrative of an adolescent and rambunctious Peter was recounted; laughter ensued. 

2000 years later and Peter rarely gets the necessary respect. I am sure Peter is good by now and doesn’t hold the keys to the Kingdom against the others who judged him unfairly. All is made well for Peter. Even so, the common retelling of Peter seems to negate the power of formation on ones unfolding life. To continue the narrative of brusk and brash Peter limits Peter’s unfolding maturity moment at Pentecost and his ongoing priestly role in the early church. 

We place labels and judgments quickly and easily on Peter. This can translate to the rest of us; "Don’t be like Peter.   Do not be too passionate or emotional or you will be discounted and locked into a box of your own reactivity unable to emerge into maturity and wholeness....The testimony of your life will remain at adolescence; therefore, behave -- act RIGHT, speak RIGHT." 

I’m not sure Peter was any more emotional than mental or that he was more heart than mind. Maybe Peter was just a human being of abundance - he was too much and he simply could contain all that has been entrusted to him. At the end of Peter’s life, his abundance results in calling the church to move from Jerusalem to the ends of the earth through the Pentecost sermon, not to mention becoming the first Pope and writing an epistle. How do we tell the redemptive story of someone who has come through the many stages of life and led well - not perfectly, but well.

Yet in the baptismal story where Peter wants his whole body bathed and elsewhere, including the denial of Christ, Peter’s lack of maturity and well being, gets normalized and universalized as his whole life - a life of disintegration. 

I work in formation; I do this to others. I observe something in a student during the first year of seminary and lock them into that behavior and disposition. An immature moment becomes their universal moment. Unlocking from that one moment takes work - not for the one who is growing but for me - the one who made a judgment. These judgments lack mercy for the one on the way. 

But our judgments of others do not dissuade God from  forming people into Christ. Within 18-24 months of seminary, almost every seminarian demonstrates growth, formation, and integration through ongoing engagement with their souls and their behaviors. The process of growing into Christ is glorious, and we see it happening around us everyday at Western Theological Seminary. Even so, as it happens each day, our eyes and ears remain fixed (as Jonathan Haidt demonstrates) to those preceding moments of judgments. We have difficulty seeing the world beyond how we have always seen it. It is difficult to allow students and friends, let alone enemies to surprise us and demonstrate the power of the spirit in their life. 

How do I/we, as a Christian leader and teacher, as a friend, tune my ears and eyes to see growth as the norm in life? We long to be seen in our growth; to be noticed when we commune with the Holy Spirit and find new life in Christ.

I defend Peter because I am he. I am too much and spend many hours and days trying to contain all that is in me from coming to all that is you. I have a daughter who is learning the pain and power of a similar practice. We all have friends who are too much; you may be one of these abundant lives. And the energy that remains from what we try to contain is still often too much for the world. 

In these moments when too much comes out, the need isn’t judgment or dismissal, it is friendship and connection. This is who Jesus was to Peter.

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Laurie Rude is a close friend and mentor from days long ago. She was the counselor coach at Twin Lakes Bible Camp. Laurie and Joel spent significant amounts of time investing in staff, especially me. Laurie is now a certified spiritual director, which largely means she now has a certificate for the work she has been doing for decades. I remember Laurie slapping post-it-notes on my shirt when I was doing announcements during meal times. She knew the post-it was the only way to keep my attention on the detail. I still utilize this practice, even though I have found less conspicuous ways to hold to reminders.

Laurie once said to me, “You are Peter. It will take time, but you will be a gift to many.” I will never forget that moment. I wasn’t sure exactly what it meant, but her tone was of conviction and care. It wasn’t judgment or dismissal; it was connection and friendship.

A few years later, I was meeting with John Weborg, a spiritual director.  He asked me, “Whose story do you find as home in scripture?” That was a profound question to me. If you do ministry, this is a question worth asking others in times of confusion and discernment. When I mentioned Peter, John asked “Do you know Luke 22?” I said in true seminary fashion, “Of course.” I actually had no idea of its content; I simply knew that there was a gospel of Luke; I also knew there was a chapter 22. 

John didn’t recount the disruptful days of Peter’s youth but pointed toward the direction of his second conversion. John didn’t point to the denial of Christ (which is also in Luke 22). He pointed to the hope and promise of Peter; he invited me into Peter’s story in the way Jesus saw him. 

Jesus said to Peter,

 “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail you. And when you have been converted again, strengthen your friends.”

Jesus immediately tells Peter he will deny Jesus.

I wonder if we can do this in our daily work - see people in the fullness and way Jesus sees us? This may mean we need to say hard things, but the disruption is always toward conversion and Christ not toward judgment or dismissal.

This episode ends between Jesus and Peter. Peter, indeed, denies Christ. And yet, in a harmonization of the gospel, we soon find Peter running to the tomb; then the love exchange between Peter and Jesus on the beach. This ends with the powerful proclamation at Pentecost. The same one who denies Jesus and preserves himself three times over, now discerns the times and names the power of the Spirit at the birth of the church. Had Jesus disowned Peter for his denial, we wouldn’t have the first sermon of the early church in the way we do.

I admit I am going on the pilgrimage to be converted again. I do hope to return converted (again) and maybe my return will strengthen my friends. If anything, I simply hope to increase mercy and to see others with the promise and hope that Christ does.