The Phenomenal Woman is Home!

It’s the fire in my eyes,

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing in my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

 

From Maya Angelou's poem, "Phenomenal Woman"

 

She woke up fierce and determined. This is often how Madeline wakes up as she enters the world with tenacity and force. I like this about her even when it feels too intense. I've missed it over these past days as she sits silently, looks listlessly, and wonders when she will feel better. But today we got a glimpse of her fullness. She woke up and pounced out of bed (pounce is not an exaggeration). She wanted to ride the wheelchair through the hospital. We discussed the plan for the day largely determined to break out of the hospital and go home. We had four goals: eat, shower, get dressed, and use our words with the medical team. 

 

The doctor stopped by around 8:00am and asked Madeline a question. Madeline responded with a thumbs up. I said, "Please use your words," and the doctor echoed the sentiment, "I want to receive at least one word from you before you go." Madeline perked up and almost yelled, "Take it out", referring to the NG tube. The doctor was overjoyed and asked for a high five. It was comical. The doctor mentioned the possibility of going home, and Madeline's eyes brightened even more. Later the doctor stopped by again and asked Madeline to "pinky swear" she would eat and drink the proper amounts (otherwise we could have to come back and re-insert the NG tube). They made a pinky swear and said goodbye. As the doctor left she said, "See you next time at Target."

 

We went throughout the morning living between using our words and falling asleep. Last night was restless as she experienced being full of food for the first time in a while. She also had her mind set on going home, so sleep was interfering with the goal. Madeline's stomach still hurts from the prolonged absence of food and its sudden abundance, but she is eating and drinking more every hour. 

 

The nurse removed the NG tube, and Madeline's announced, "I'm so happy." The lights came back to her eyes. She recognizes how difficult it is to be optimistic as she recovers but experienced a brief glimpse of hope today. She knows that full recovery will take several weeks, including PT and OT visits as well as check ups with our neurosurgeon. We will be monitoring eating, mental health, and neck pain (both for Madeline and for her parents).

 

We were cleared to go home around 11am, and after the representatives from the pharmacy, PT, and OT stopped by, we packed up our things and returned home. But before we left, Madeline left Nurse Josh a voicemail giving thanks and telling him that he was her favorite. She said something similar to Becky and Emily, our OT and PT people. We had to request a cart to pack up all the gifts and belongings. But everything is home and unpacked. 

Maggie came home from school at 2:45 and did not know Madeline was home. The photo says it all. Lulu expresses joy so well, and her photo represents how Lindsay and I feel about being back together under one roof. Two of her friends stopped by and it is enjoyable to hear adolescent conversation rather than adult hospital talk! 

 

Again, thank you for the prayers, the gifts, and all the love. It will take time for Madeline to process everything that happened (us, too), but we are confident that as time goes on we will learn new questions and ways of being in the world because of this experience. Learning doesn't resolve the pain but gives it an edge of hope that is much needed today.