From pride to true service, enneagram 2 on the camino

My alarm didn’t go off this morning, and no one was moving about the albergue in Poblacion de Campos. I figured it was only 4am and could sleep for another hour. My phone was charging in the bathroom so i woke up to actually check the time. It was 542. This was the first day where the albergue was quiet past 5am. I quietly gathered my things and began to depart for my short walk to Carrion, a well to do town on the Rio Carrion. I began my 15km walk along the river and enjoyed the earth waking up again. The sun peaked over the hills in the distance and the red and purple hues were glorious. 

I arrived in a little town (Villalcázar de Sirga) 10km later and sat for breakfast. Knowing i only had 5km left and it was 8am, i sat for a long time. An hour later Mac (Scotland) and Dulce (Mexico) arrived and sat with me. I never really know how i meet people, but we simply become friends and enjoy whatever time we share together. There is something in this practice that might help the church in the USA get beyond its political infighting and malaise. Every person is a pilgrim and each meeting may be the last. Engage hospitably.

I enjoyed my fried eggs, which Spain does well. Then i began walking with Dulce and MAc. Mac taught me how to use my walking poles more efficiently. Until now, the poles have been friends but not co-laborers. Mac said the way i used them was largely worthless. I can  now see that he is right.

We made it to Carrion before the albergue opened, so we sat at a cafe and enjoyed a Cervesa as many many pilgrims crossed the path. I enjoy seeing pilgrims enter the town.

The first 10km were dedicated to enneagram 2 energy. This exercise is quite interesting. Before i go to bed, i re-read a description of the energy i plan to enter in the morning. Then i begin walking and donning the energy in my body. When i decided to do this, i was sure this would be a mental game but it is becoming so much more. The energy i choose is actually orienting my day. 

Lindsay is a 2 on the enneagram-maybe a 3, but regardless, she is the love, service, and help of a 2. She’s likeable beyond anyone i have ever met. God knew i needed her so that i could have brief moments of likeability myself. Two of my last three adminstrative assistants have also been 2s. These are people who know my needs better than i know my own and seem to exist to serve others without regard.

Richard rohr writes this of 2s:

TWOs originally know themselves as the beloved of the universe. They know the truth that they are specially loved and chosen by a beautiful and loving God. When they cannot maintain this truth, they become manipulative and needy of the love of others to “reconvince” themselves of the truth they already deeply know. “Others must and will love me!” they demand, instead of resting in the love that they already are. They are driven to love, help, and serve others, without realizing that their motivation is the need for others to love them. TWOs are extremely sensitive to the needs of others, but not aware of their own needs. What they really want is attention. Although this is a legitimate need for anyone, to TWOs it seems selfish, and they won’t admit to it.

In Russ Hudson’s words, “The root sin of the TWO is pride, not in the sense of showing off, but pride as a kind of false humility.”

TWOs long to be loved, to love with their whole hearts, and to be allowed to live for their beloved. They sacrifice themselves for the welfare of others. 

But let me warn you: TWOs have another side. “Hell hath no fury” like TWOs who suddenly realize that they are doing all the giving and not receiving what they feel they deserve in return... Then they may run from the room in tears when they realize they’ve turned into a “dragon.” TWOs need a great deal of acceptance and “soft” love before they are ready to let themselves be challenged by “tough love.” Sooner or later, however, this is exactly what has to happen: a confrontation, at once loving and unsparing, with their own pseudo-love, self-pity, and egocentricity. The gift of TWOs is genuine humility, the reverse of pride.

Instead of trying to remember all the times i selflessly served others, I leaned into my pride today. That was really enjoyable. I could feel myself counting the cost of what i give to my work and wondering if the love will ever come back. 

I was reminded of the words of Kerm Campbell, “We need leaders who can love an organization and institution knowing that the love will never come back to them, for organizations are not capable of giving back love — only people (and maybe dogs) are capable of that.” I think he is right, and my pride that wants to count the cost and keep score is a losing battle. Love without regard or without counting the cost. Anything else is love rooted in pride, which is not love.

I also held the 2s in my life in prayer. Lindsay, Beth, Kelly and many students came to mind with gratitude. These are people who constantly give but rarely receive equal weight in gratitude or return. I tried to imagine what this would feel like and how lonely and unnerving this would make me. 

I was reminded of the early days of Lindsay parenting Micah. I would go to work or to study at Luther Seminary; Lindsay would remain home with Micah. She would feed him, change him, clean him, do laundry for him (and me) and cook meals. He would cry, demand, and poop. The outpouring of a parent’s service to an infant is exhausting. One day Lindsay said, “i just wish he would give me some sign back - some show of happiness or gratitude.” The logic of this doesn’t matter. I think this is how 2s feel whether with an infant, a spouse, a colleague, or with friends. They give and give but don’t always receive. I sat with gratitude for the 2s in my life and wondered what it would be like to express more gratitude for the small acts of kindness and service that they do for everyone.

I am writing this at a table which was filled with 20 peregrines just a few minutes ago. Two pilgrims prepared 6 liters of sangria to share with others. They bought it, prepared it, and served it. I came late to the party, yet one of the pilgrims got up from his chair, found me a glass, and poured me some sangria. I was so grateful. I think i said thank you five times, which still didn’t feel like enough as i enter the 2-land. 

I want to express gratitude more often. Not simply to 2-energy people but to everyone. The word “grathias” or thank you is said quite often on the Camino, whether for loaning a towel, a bandaid, a beer, or a piece of dried out crusty bread. Everyone says thank you. I like this practice and want to combat my pride by being more grateful everyday.

One last thing, in his last days Christ was filled with 2  energy (i know he has all the energies in resourceful fashion, but..). The cross is an example of sacrifical love that expects nothing in return. I wonder if i can hold the tenderness of God in me in such a way that just as i express gratitude, i can also extend service with no expectation of return?

Philippians 2 is the way from pride to service, from counting the cost to laying it down for love.