Being Trusted (Part I): Trust – The manner of all things pastoral and congregational

I have been engaged in several conversations recently about pastoral identity and practice, including use of power, definitions of leadership, and the freedom of the vocation, namely through the schedule. Brooks Holifield quotes it best, “ministers will apparently have to live with a higher degree of tension and ambiguity as a normal way of life” (In God’s Ambassadors, 311). I think most of us, pastors, do feel ambiguity. I wonder, however, if ambiguity is what we sense, because we cannot recognize the capaciousness of the pastoral vocation as a gift of trust. I wonder if churches, by and large, operate out of incredible trust of their pastors, which is uncertain, and even, unsettling for the pastoral soul. This is good news.

I think trust is the contents of all we (pastors) have, and this scares us (me). In response, we try to force the vocation into a performance-orientation, so we attend every meeting, keep full calendars, assist in making copies, managing budgets, overseeing ministries, and managing a plethora of details. There have even been times where I involve myself with changing lightbulbs. I think we are unsure of how trusted we are (or should be), so we, instead, try to make our lives work-oriented and forget our vocations, which call us to different tasks and practices (not that the assigned tasks are above or below these, only different than).

Several months ago I was in a Pastoral Relations meeting speaking of the ambiguity of the job. I spoke of how uneasy I felt about my schizophrenic schedule – one week I am interacting with children in Sunday school, the next attending meeting-after-meeting, and the next quietly reading and writing in my office. Some weeks I find myself walking the roads of SW Michigan encountering neighbors and strangers. I expressed my confusion to the PRC over what “exactly” is needed from me, and I asked them to help me sort it out.

The chair of the PRC, a wise and faithful man, looked at me and said, “do you think you are running an organization or leading a church?”

This was the question I needed. He invited me to reconsider the congregation as the people of God, first. The organizational, business, and ministry detail questions are not my primary concern. The growth of the church and the appeasement of the masses is relegated to God, not to me. My primary concern is to be who God called me to be: teacher, preacher, liturgical architect, and friend. When I get overly involved in property, finance, children and youth ministries, I take away enjoyable work from others who are gifted in these ways. When I take on too much social concern or a desire for feedback, I fail to rest in the grace of God who called me to be faithful. When this happens, I stop being.